The Journey of Late Life

“Life after eighty rarely ends suddenly and unexpectedly in our sleep,” states Dr. Dennis McCullough, in his book My Mother, Your Mother. Instead, caring for an aging relative is more commonly a journey of many years. As a geriatrician and care provider to his late mother, Dr. McCullough knows this terrain well.  

McCullough outlines eight “stations” in the journey of late life. For each one, he offers insights and tips to help you counter the modern system of “fast medicine” with personalized solutions he calls “slow medicine.” Here's a summary of the eight stations: 

• ​Stability - This is the first of the eight stations and it focuses on preparation. In this first step, focus on getting to know your relative at baseline and observe what's "normal". A good timeline for this step is 72 hours in order to have good examples for the observation. Start building a support community for both the needs of the elder and for the family. If it hasn't been done so already, this is also a great time to learn about aging and the complexities that could arise. 
• Compromise - While observing the arising health problems of your aging relative, stay ahead of the curve by researching the problems they are describing. When speaking about these arising problems and it's solutions, diplomatically work together with your relative to make the process easier on them, and ultimately, easier on you. 
• Crisis - During a major event, typically involving an ER visit and hospitalization, look into the situation that caused the emergency in order to prevent future problems. Involving your support community and asking for help can be of great benefit; it'll also get everyone around you and your elder family member acclimated to the "late life" process. 
• Recovery - During the recovery process of rehabilitation, stay motivated and involved. Do your research about what will be needed during the recovery and practice sustained community support. Patience is key during this process as you support your family member's needs for his or her "new normal."
• Decline - This stage frequently precipitates a move into a care facility. The most important thing to remember is to stay engaged in order protect your loved one from loss of identity. 
• Prelude to Dying - This stage characterizes itself by a change in spirit brought on by the acknowledgement that death is a real possibility. The timeline can vary between weeks or months before actual passing. It's important to provide your family member with attention, love, and communication to help them cope with the uncertainty. During this stage is also when hospice should be considered, 3 to 6 months of service is optimal.
• Death - During the last few days of your loved ones life, honoring their end-stage desires is priority. As one of the last steps, address any of their anxieties, as well as yours. Providing comfort and touch is of upmost importance to make the transition a comfortable one. 
• Grieving/Legacy - This last stage is very personal and can often last for years. With the support system you built, seek opportunities to reminisce your loved ones. 

Shaped by common sense and kindness, this approach to embracing "slow medicine" advocates for the proactive method to dealing with an aging family member rather than waiting for a crises that forces acute medical intervention. Planning for, understanding, caring, and helping your loved one will benefit everyone around you. 

​Want to know more about how to best ease transitions and provide support to your family and your aging loved one? Learn to balance their care with your daily life with Eldercare Specialists. Contact us to learn more.